I'm drive I can fine osifer
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
