im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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