YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
