Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
