They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
