Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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