if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
