Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
