PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
