I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
