Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
