why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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