just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
