so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
