So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
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Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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