and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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