Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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