i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
