Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize