Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
someone owes me an orgasm
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
