highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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