that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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