Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
