Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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