My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
