Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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