I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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