In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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