Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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