You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
