So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't deserve a penis
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
