K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
