i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
