I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
