You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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