Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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