She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just gift wrapped bread.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
