Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
