You're my little dorito
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
