It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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