If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
