pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
