i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
