I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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