i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
