it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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