White coat. Heels.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
