I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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