the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
