From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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