kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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