he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
