So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
