I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
