You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
