I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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