Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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