i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you win again, gameday.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
