her vagine was all disorganized.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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