is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
