my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
farters have to be the big spoon...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
