Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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