tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
