I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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