So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
