How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Did I show you my penis last night?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
