Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
