I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
