Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
