I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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