I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
