I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
