i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
